Hello

First I want to give a little background to explain the reason for this blog. That has to start with "What is P.O.T.S.?" It also needs to explain what it has to do with me and what I plan to do. And I will apologize in advance if I seem all over the place, I'm trying to keep it "linear".

Simply put, P.O.T.S. is a autonomic dysfunction. This means that the autonomic system (your unconscious but necessary functions, such as breathing, heart beating and such) is not working properly. In my case it is my blood pressure that doesn't work correctly. Unfortunately this does not mean that the problem stops there. I will pass out because my blood pressure will drop too low, and due to these episodes my brain function is starting to diminish. I don't have the cognitive thinking that I am supposed to have anymore, and since I am only 27 I can't blame it on age. I also get very short of breath easily. I'm exhausted, depressed, anxious and physically sick in many other ways that don't seem to relate to each other, but they are common for P.O.T.S.

I have been told for a very long time that there is a reason that God has allowed me to continue to have P.O.T.S. Yes, I've gone through the "ignore-it" stage, the angry stage, the defeated stage and I am finally getting into the acceptance stage. For those that personally know me, you will see that this is NOT an easy stage for me. I am stubborn, bull-headed and a perfectionist. You may wonder what these qualities have to do with making this stage difficult for me, so let me explain. I am stubborn and bull-headed so I want things my way and my way only! If it does not fit into my plan or ideal situation I will find a way to change it! There is no changing this, no matter how much I dislike it. This is a subconscious problem, therefore I can't will it to be any different. Perfectionism is affected because it is very tough to be the "image of perfect" when you pass out while standing in front of the congregation singing in church (I've done it more times than I care to count). Perfectionism doesn't allow for forgetting that the item you are holding in your hand is called a pen (also done this, and similar, more times than I care to count). Perfection also doesn't include the inability to take care of your child for one reason or another, this was truly the hardest for me.

Shortly before being diagnosed, after dealing with the unknown for 8 years, I became pregnant with my son. I was not planning to have children, but he was still a welcome surprise for my husband and I. I ended up in the hospital for extreme depression when he was only 6 months old. The doctor couldn't believe that it was simply post-partum, or simple depression (not that any depression is simple). He really felt that it was caused by something. So he had some tests done and brought in a neurologist who had many more tests done. Four months later, we discovered that I have P.O.T.S. This is now 10 years after I first started dealing with passing out while in High School!

Now that I know that I can't work again, hard pill to swallow when I paid over $75K to earn a BFA in Interior Design and never got a chance to do anything in my field, I have more time on my hands. So I took up crocheting, and have had a blast learning from books. I have even started dabbling in pattern writing, which has been an interesting process as well (I'll get into that another time). I have just started teaching myself knitting, YouTube has been my friend on that. But the most important thing that I do with my time is raising my son. I hope and plan to homeschool him, despite my disability. I am going to use K-12 so that it will be a little easier for me, but I want to be a very large part of his schooling. He will still be involved in church and sports and other ways of socializing, but it will be a little more controlled and his curriculum will be a lot more personalized.

So I am asking you to join me on this journey. I will write about my struggles, my triumphs and other various happenings. I ask that you share your struggles, triumphs and other happenings as well. If you have something that you would like me to address, let me know and I will see what I can do.
I will try to blog often, but due to the cognitive issue, it may take me longer to address a particular topic.